Creating Boundaries: How to Maintain Control in Your Life
- Lauren Ashley
- Feb 19, 2023
- 6 min read
Updated: Mar 1, 2023
Set your boundaries, and honor yourself enough to create the most gorgeous life experience for yourself that your soul knows you deserve.
When maneuvering in this life, it‘s important to learn ways in which you can create the absolute best experience for yourself. This involves learning about yourself, but also includes learning about others and their behaviors as well. In this life, people are often derailed from their own personal goals, ambitions, and desires by getting lost in other people's opinions, ideals, and false perceptions. As it is important to accept healthy, positive, and constructive criticism, it is also important to remember to each their own. We all have our own desires and roads to reach them, and that is why it is so important not to compare yourself to others.
We all have to find our own way, so make this process easier by enhancing your behavior and rejecting the infliction of judgment from others. Use these 5 tips to assist you in creating boundaries for yourself. With boundaries, you can freely grow into your best self and keep the people in your life in a healthy space for all parties involved.
1. Get to Know Yourself
You'll be surprised how little you truly know about yourself. You are built from years of experiences that have embedded certain traits within you that are either helping or hindering you. It's time you get to know these traits. Where did they come from? Who taught them to you? How does it help you today? How does it hurt you today?
It's very important to dig deep within yourself because this will also allow you to learn why you tolerate or allow, certain things to persist in your life the way in which you do. Once you begin gaining better insight into who you are and what you allow, you'll then be able to set appropriate boundaries for yourself.
Perhaps you were an overachiever turned workaholic and now work is depleting you more than any work should ever deplete any human. Then you would trace back using the questions from earlier and see that somewhere in your past, a need for validation was born. Once you focus on that need, you never realized you had, you can then see how it bled into other areas in your life as well. With that knowledge, you can begin enhancing your character and behavior; you can begin creating certain boundaries for YOURSELF. This will help you maintain physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health, peace, and prosperity.
2. Be Sure of Yourself
It's not always easy, but it is very important to maintain confidence, clarity, and certainty within yourself. When you come across as if you barely believe what you're saying or presenting, then you're transferring that energy to other people; leaving them to adapt to those beliefs as well.
People will treat you the way you treat yourself. People will honor you the way you honor yourself. People will respect you the way you respect yourself. People will love you the way you love yourself. It all starts with yourself.
So when you walk into a room, walk with your head held high while maintaining confidence in yourself. When you're talking to a loved one, don't let them derail you or put you out of alignment; be sure in yourself no matter what they say. When you're approached by someone who is intentionally trying to bully or hurt you, stand strong in your truth and in your personal power.
You are who you say you are. Not what they say you are. Not what they want you to be. Exude these ideologies on a daily basis, and you will naturally put people in their place with minimal effort.
“Believe in yourself, your abilities, and your own potential. Never let self-doubt hold you captive. You are worthy of all that you dream of and hope for.” – Roy Bennett
3. Be Straightforward
Things will get so much easier when you learn how to be straightforward. Being straightforward means living in your truth without guilt and hesitation, and we all deserve to live in our truth.
When you choose to hold yourself back from speaking about how you really feel, you are then imprisoning yourself unnecessarily. And when you continue to do this on a daily basis, you stray further and further away from who you truly are. So much so that you can even begin forgetting who you even want to be.
When you choose to live in your truth, you leave room to grow further into the powerful person you were meant to be. You also will begin to naturally expel and deflect the people who simply aren’t meant to be in your life anymore. Because if someone can’t accept your true mind, heart, and soul then they absolutely do not deserve to have access to you. Those are energy leeches: people who instead of building and growing with you, derail and pull you down. This further separates you from your true self, your higher self.
So speak your mind! And do it without any regrets. Because when you do, you are growing your personal power, establishing your ideals, laying out what you will or won’t tolerate, and creating a boundary of truth between yourself and others. The people who are meant to be in your life will applaud it, honor, it, and respect it. The people who aren't will be removed in a timely order.
4. Know When to Say No
It's very important to know when to say no. Why? Well, there are two main reasons:
All that glitters is not gold.
It's extremely harmful for you to throw your time away to anyone and anything that requests it from you.
Attractiveness does not equate to quality. Although something presented to you may seem appealing, it does not mean it was meant for you. Although someone may present themselves as honest, genuine, and qualified, it does not mean they're not a wolf in sheep's clothing. Be aware. Value yourself and your life experiences enough to know that you are no longer unnecessarily inviting in pain and hardships. Trust that any opportunity presented to you that you didn't or couldn't take simply was never yours, to begin with. Have faith and believe that you will know what's meant for you, and what's meant for you can never be taken away.
Value your time and energy. Know that you are not being mean, selfish, or creating bad karma for yourself by putting yourself first. You don't have to say yes to every single person that asks something from you. I've experienced first-hand the challenge of telling people no. I've only recently begun owning my true self and truest desires and saying no unapologetically. It's not always easy, but protecting yourself and growing as a person is always worth it.
So please, if you want to create boundaries not only for other people but yourself as well, then learn when to say no. And say it unapologetically.
5. Know When to Disengage
Not everyone deserves your energy or your attention. Even the people who you've decided do deserve your energy and time will have moments where they don't, and it's up to you to recognize when to step away even if it's momentarily.
A perfect way to instill boundaries with other people is by establishing what you will and will not accept, and then sticking to it. Whether they want to or not, they will eventually catch on to what you do and don't allow in your presence, and will either adjust to it or get left.
People behave and treat you the way you allow them to, and you will go through experiences that you allow yourself to. So if there is a display of behavior someone else does to you that you don't like, learn when to express discomfort and request a change, stop the conversation, or walk away.
The boundary you create in doing this will help you establish your future experiences with that person and others as well. They'll know what you won't tolerate and either accept it, excuse themselves, or worse, purposely try to disrupt you by continuing the behavior. And that is when you'll know, "yeah, this person is getting left in my past. Goodbye!".
Never Stop Maintaining Your Boundaries
With that being said, it's time for you to go be great. These tips toward boundaries will assist you in establishing a more comfortable life for yourself. So don't freight and definitely don't give up. Your life is yours and yours alone; never let another steal it from you.
What are some ways you're going to start instilling boundaries in your day-to-day life? Let us know in the comments below! And head over to our online forums, Kokoro Konverse or The TL, and let your voice be heard. You can also post anonymously to help protect your peace. Thank you for reading! Kokoropsyche is sending you much love and light.
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